Apr
30

We Haz iPad

Geoff's iPad

Brooks' iPad

Brooks and I both got our iPad 3G’s in today. I’m sure Brooks would like me to mention the fact that his FedEx guy edged mine out by a solid three hours, but I’ve decided thats something I’m not going to mention again. So what do we think of it you ask? Well I can only speak for myself in saying “I lurv it.” It is really everything I expected it to be and maybe even a little more.

When the device was announced, there were all sorts of wise cracks about it being just a big iPod and, to be honest, that is a pretty fair statement. However, it is important to note just how dramatically different the experience is based on that size differential. In the transition fromt he iPod/iPhone form factor to the the iPad, it really undergoes a metaphasis of being an internet device of last resort to being something I dont mind sitting there staring at for hours(and so far have done so).

This is Brooks' iPad arriving, note how he rubs in the fact his arrived first by including a clock in the picture.

To those of you that may be asking, “But why did you go with a 3G instead of rushing out and getting the Wi-Fi iPad for much less?” I’m not particularly sure who would ever buy such a device so purposefully designed for both connectivity and portability to be rendered largely inopperable three steps away from a Starbucks. Personally I can’t wait to be half way through Missouri (second only to the fascist state of Oklahoma for title of most boring state ever) and being able to not only get to the internet, but actually enjoy it on a highly readable screen in a modern browser.

If you happen to have ever read any of my reviews in the past, you know I try my best to find even the smallest of chinks in a products armor and the iPad is no different. This is, of course, just a first impressions since I haven’t spent a great deal of time with the device, but there are a couple of soft spots on this piece of fruit. Most up front and immutable of these is it’s weight. As a device it isnt heavy, but as a device to be held with one hand and read like a book? It’s feels a little dense. The issue is a little pronounced as well due to its tapered back edges which make it seem a little difficult to hang on to. The other negative so far has just been the omission of a couple of the staple ineternet widgets that are present on the iPhone, namely the stocks and weather apps. This one isn’t a big deal since there are vastly superior third party free apps from Bloomberg andThe Weather Channel, respectively.

So there you have my take on the device so far. I don’t really know that we will ever return to the device itself as the topic of a full blown review, since that isn’t really our bag, but I just wanted to A) Brag and B) Let you know I love it. So if you’ll excuse me, I have to go be flung into a state of existential quandary while playing Noby Noby Boy.

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Apr
29

Beat Hazard’s XBox Version Gets the Update Treatment

I recently reviewed the XBox LIVE Indie version of the game Beat Hazard, and to be honest I loved it to death. I did, however, express a handful of reservations regarding a few bugs in the game. Right after I had posted the review, one of the Cold Beam Games folks contacted me on the Twitter to let me know that the updates that had been given to the recently released Steam version would be making their way to the XBox version as well.

Well as it were, that time has come and the update is now available and totally kicking ass. The update fixes a slew of bugs as well as brings some new content in the form of an “Insane” difficulty, Big Bosses, and what seemed to be some visual tweeks. Now the visual tweaks I’m not 100% sure on, I may just be imagining things but their bloom seems to be a little less bloomy in a good way. In any event, if you had been waffling or procrastinating about picking this one up, you really are out of excuses because what was already a great game is now even better.

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Trials HD On Sale Today Only

Trials HD is currently available today for 800 Microsoft points, down from its usual 1200 Microsoft points.How “they ” describe it:

Fasten your helmet…and unlock the full version of Trials HD. This physics-based motorcycle game has over 50 brilliant tracks and amazing HD graphics, in two unique game modes. Customize your rider, unlock bikes, climb global leaderboards, and compete with new in-game friend-scores. With the level-editor, create and share an unlimited amount of new tracks. Trials HD is an experience you haven’t seen before!

Yeah so there you have it, go get yourself some bargainage — personally, I’m too busy playing Breath of Death VII. But hey, different folks, different strokes, right?

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Apr
28

Review: Block Killer

Face it, you’re a shapist. You have an unreasonable hatred of all things right angled, you can’t even stomach to look at those equal length sides and their exceptionally efficient use of space makes your skin crawl. You just wish you could kill every last stlink’n cube on the planet. Well lock and load son, ’cause now you can take out your homicidal tendencies in Michael B. Mclaughlin’s Xbox Live Indie game, Block Killer.

Gameplay

Block Killer is a 3D Shooter described by its developers as being “what 1980 thought we’d be playing in 2010.” Being someone that wasn’t even a zygote at the time, I really have no idea if this is true or not. I do, however, think it feels a little bit like Space Invaders literally turned on its ear.

The premise of Block Killer is simple: shoot the blocks before they get to you and destroy the world. How or why they are perusing global destruction is a bit of a mystery, but my guess is that they are tired of the world lording over them with its curved surface.

Controlling the game is accomplished using two inputs: the right thumbstick to move and the “A” button to shoot. You can actually use the right bumper to shoot as well, but really the button feels the most natural. Movement has a sort of “stick-to” element to it, so while you move you will stick to the middle of the block lanes. This proves to be a pretty key feature of the controls, and makes certain levels doable.

There are several different types of blocks with differing behavior. For example, armored blocks take twice as many shots to kill and tricky blocks will cloak and move lanes. In addition to the six or so enemy block types there are also beneficial blocks. These beneficial blocks can give health, slow block speed, grant double shot, make missed blocks grant health, or even turn your blaster into a machine gun. All these beneficial effects can stack, turning you into a one-man block-blasting powerhouse.

There are 32 levels and three difficulty levels in Block Killer. The levels themselves are shared between the three difficulty levels with the number of shots required to kill blocks, as well as speed of block progression, being used to adjust difficulty. The difficulty curve of the game is very jagged. Some levels will be breezed through on the first try, while others will be a significant thorn in your side.

I would have to say that my biggest criticism and praise for Block Killer centers around one particular aspect of the game, the power-ups. They are by far the most interesting thing that happens in the game, and when you get the machine gun going you just really start having a good time. That said, they don’t show up nearly enough, I think there was only really two or three levels where you were really able to cut loose and go to town blasting blocks.

Concerning replay value, I don’t really know how much of it the game will have. When you finish the game it ads a sort of marathon mode level that you can play till your thumb explodes, but really I felt pretty done with it by the time I unlocked that. It is a really simple game that in some ways just lacks a hook to pull you into the experience.

Audio/Visual

As I had touched on in the gameplay section, Block Killer seems to lack a hook. It doesn’t seem to have that thing that compels you to want to open the wallet for it and it is in the visuals department that I believe we will find our culprit in this respect.

I totally understand the desire for the developer to make a game look like a futuristic reimagining of a 1980’s arcade style game. My issue is that when a game’s gameplay is so simplistic that it is the visuals that must step up with an angle to bring the flare. Block Killer just doesn’t have it. What it does have are black backgrounds, solid color blocks organized within a 3D rectangular prism, and very basic blaster effects. It is important to note that I do not think the game looks bad, quite the contrary I think it looks perfectly fine. I just think that the game needed a hook and that jazzed up visuals may have provided one.

The audio is just as retro as the visuals are, with very digital sounding music and blaster fire. The music itself is quite good, it feels really arcade, in which case I think its creators nailed what they were going for.

Summary

So there you have it, the game is good but not great. It is a very simplistic game both in terms of gameplay and visuals and as a result feels as though it is missing that certain something that makes you want to keep playing it. At 80 Microsoft Points it’s priced just right for a brief diversion from thought.

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Productivity Killer: Super Mario Crossover

Hump day! That means you’ve still got two days until you can resume living. Fortunately for you, Newgrounds user by the name of explodingRabbit has your back with a delightful little NES mashup diversion. Super Mario Crossover lets you select your favorite hero or heroine from the NES generation and romp through the original Super Mario Brothers. How freaking epic is that you ask? Very, it’s very epic.

Play it now.

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Apr
27

XBLIG Update: The ‘makes your stamen go berserk’ Edition

Update time again already! We got six new games for you today. About that title; I’m really sorry I had to go and drop some Grease 2 on you. It was wrong, I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyways. In other news, we also made the bible trivial this week, that’s kind of exciting. Then again perhaps I am just getting all hot and bothered by the semantics of it all. The descriptions of the following games are that of the developers themselves, my grumpy comments will be in bold.

Bible Trivia

Test your knowledge of the Bible with hundreds of trivia questions from the Old Testament and the New Testament. Easy and hard levels to choose from. Bonus mini-games are awarded after every round of 25 questions. Great for Bible study or family entertainment.

Developer: DualOpAmp29

Price: 240 Microsoft Points

Trivia (singular: trivium) are unimportant (or “trivial”) items, especially of information. It kind of makes me wonder if they knew everything they asked about within their game of trivia was in essence calling them trivial. Hmmm. Really I just wish I had a great Agnosticat picture to put here.

Bizzy Bee

Bizzy Bee is a one or two player co-op game where you and a friend race to collect pollen from fields of flowers in the shortest amount of time.

Developer: Allegro Interactive

Price: 80 Microsoft Points

How fast can you circle the flower without touching the middle? Pretty damn fast until I fall asleep 4 radians into it.

Ace Gals Tennis

The new Ace Gals tennis championship is starting right now! There are 8 different players, each one with her own attitude and skills. Select your favorite one as your Avatar’s trainer and win the others throughout 36 tournaments. Will you win the championship?

Developer: Haruneko

Price: 80 Microsoft Points

It’s avatar tennis with some fit women depicted in the title screen and during character selection. Maybe this is just being overly critical, but whats the deal with the name? “Ace Gals” I’m pretty sure the only people I’ve ever heard use the term ‘gals” are members of the geriatric mafia. Also it uses the same music as Avatar Quiz Call, which I found to get old quickly.

Easy Racing

A full world as a track. Run freely where you want and search your favorite path. Comptete against 60 cars of 6 differents type. And when you think you’ve seen all, try the chaotic Rally!

Developer: laurent goethals

Price: 400 Microsoft Points

Pretty cool game, but 400 Microsoft Points is going to be a very hard sale on the XBLIG for this game. It’s a little top down racing game that uses what I guess you could best describe as tank controls.

Inferno Ball

Action packed ping pong style gameplay with a combustible twist. Inferno Ball puts your reflexes and skill to the test. Play any of 4 difficulties from Easy to Insane. Play against the computer or a friend either locally or over xbox live.

Developer: Lucid Vision Games

Price: 80 Microsoft Points

Inferno Ball is Pong with bullets. It’s an okay combination but it is certainly not like getting chocolate in your peanut butter. However, it seems priced right and has a decent production quality to it.

Onslaught

Prepare yourself for an almighty Onslaught. Take on hordes of avatars in full HD as you compete against the best in the world. Onslaught features character leveling, global scoreboards and Avatars. Prepare to wet yourself.

Developer: SniperED007

Price: 80 Microsoft Points

Not bad, it’s kind of like dodge ball with water baloons. It also has a bit of a character progression thing going on, that you can upgrade various “stats” with.

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Apr
26

Chattin’ Hats: Goldfish Murdoch


(1:10:00 PM) Geoff: im thinking about getting a gold fish
(1:11:05 PM) Geoff: I’d name him rupert murdoch
(1:11:28 PM) Brooks: how do you tell if a goldfish is republican?
(1:11:59 PM) Geoff: because every time he swims around the bowl he forgets the 12million hits a day google sends him and threatens to block the service from indexing him

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Reminder: The Dishwasher Half Price Sale

Just a reminder, as we mentioned last week, the Dead Samurai is offering up his dish washing services for half price. Go get yourself some.

Update: The deal is available to Gold Subscribers only.

Great news! From Monday, April 26th – Sunday, May 2ndThe Dishwasher: Dead Samurai can be purchased from the Xbox LIVE Marketplace for the low, low price of 400 Microsoft points! That’s only $5, which (from our calculations) is exactly 50% off the retail price! (Note that this offer is part of Microsoft’s Deal of the Week program, which requires you to be an Xbox LIVE Gold subscriber to take part.) There you have it. A week long, substantial discount on Dead Samurai. Consider this money saving offer The Dishwasher’s belated birthday present to you and the best way to prepare for the release of the Vampire Smile sequel. Enjoy!

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Productivity Killer: Ginormo Sword

So it isn’t new, hell it isn’t even recent, but let’s be realistic, there are very few games that can hack and slash their way through a corporation’s bottom line like Ginormo Sword. As the name implies, you swing a sword; however, that sword is in no way, shape, or form ginormo by any stretch of the imagination, at least not yet it’s not. You’ll need to level that sucker up, add special effects, and kill gajillions of bad guys through millions of clicks to get truly ginormo. Yeah, about that clicking thing, I totally used AutoHotkey to play this game — just sayin’.

Click on through to take a swing at Ginormo Sword.

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